The 10 Most Disturbing Fifty Shades Products

We find Fifty Shades of Grey DEEPLY disturbing, to say the least. Partially inspired by this blog, we once spent a solid three or four days talking solely about how much we hate it. Suffice to say, we think that it is some horrible shit. Horrible writing. Horrible themes. But, there are reasons to hate Fifty Shades beyond these obvious factors. Because not only is there a book and a forthcoming movie, but there are CRAFTS.

The phenomenal following that Twilight sparked led to some truly disturbing products.

I’d do a real caption for this, but come on. All you have to do is have eyes to see the ridiculous. (Via Twitarded)

Edward wishes you a happy shower! Really, the creepy giant Wizard of Oz like head is trying to convey “Have a great day!” not “I want to eat you like Hannibal Lector.” (Via Etsy)

Starting its life as Twilight fanfiction, Fifty Shades has inevitably brought forth a bevy of similar products, which are only going to get worse as the movie gets closer to premiering. So, without further ado, the 10 worst Fifty Shades products to be found on the internet (in no particular order) courtesy of R’s willingness to Google really weird shit.

1. An out of proportion Christian Grey cake. It’s a new trend: literally eating your literary crush.

2. “Laters Baby” is an expression that now exists in the world outside of vapid high schoolers. And people want to wear it around their necks.

Via Etsy

3. Have a bondage-inspired dinner party. Also, what is with “Virgin Water?” I’m sorry, but unless you are human or olive oil, virgin is not an appropriate adjective. 

Via Etsy

4. Christian Grey: Secret Merman. This is a Christmas ornament; don’t be afraid to keep up the abuse during the holiday season.

Via Ebay – torreguelfa

5. Keep calm and murder the next person who refers to an “inner goddess.”

Via Spencer’s

6. This is evidently Ana in bear form with the 50 Shades book. This is a real thing. You can buy it. With actual money.

Via Ebay – meyekew

7. Ana in a dollhouse reading Fifty Shades. It’s all a very meta affair. 

Also, this is listed on Ebay as “1/12th Doll’s House.” Someone chopped a dollhouse into 12 pieces and made one into a Fifty Shades diorama. 

Via Ebay – itsybitsyltd

8.  Yay! Let’s elect a man with serious and deep-seated psychological problems to lead our nation! Yay! His awesome creative skills are also a plus, just look at the name of his company – Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.! Bitch can use a thesaurus! Yay!

Via Skreened

9. Of course. I bet it’s all super low-quality too.

Via The Telegraph 

10. Items both more elaborate and more disturbing than this will be forthcoming.

I’m sorry Charlie Hunnam. You were good on Sons of Anarchy, but you were the one who signed up for this.