Cosmo November 2013: Love & Sex Advice

This week magazine Monday comes with two articles, but both are all about Cosmo’s amazing advice regarding love and sex. Having in the past offered such great advice as “spice up your sex life by having sex in a small boat” (capsizing anyone?), we were ready for Cosmo to be particularly entertaining in this area. And we weren’t disappointed.

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We are READY for this.

Have Make-Up Sex Without the Fight

Author: Tracy Clark-Flory

Here, we have an article devoted entirely to advice on how to recreate what is evidently the unparalleled passion of make-up sex without the actual fighting part. Now, make-up sex can be pretty damn good and all, but I’m thinking it’s not the be all and end all of sexual escapades. Nevertheless, apparently it’s still deserving of some powerfully stupid suggestions.

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Cosmo’s sex and love advice makes about as much sense as this non-sequitor.

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Grave Halloween Throws the Plot Out in Favor of Killing More People

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Watching Grave Halloween is a confusing experience. First we thought the plot was too obvious. Then we thought they’d actually made a creative plot. Finally we realized that we were wrong on both counts because the plot did not exist. However, if you’re looking for a movie that kills a lot of people, look no farther than Grave Halloween.

This SyFy original movie follows a group of college kids in Japan who are making a documentary about their friend’s quest to find her mother’s body in “Suicide Forest” and give it a proper burial. They run into terror when a group of pranksters who followed them in steal a dead man’s watch and the ghosts rise up to take their revenge.

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The Most Awkward Thing to Ever Happen to Anyone Ever

Everyone has stories that approach such a level of weird and strange that they seem almost surreal. Maybe you had a conversation in the park about Foucault with Jack Nicholson or your driving instructor enlists you to stalk her boyfriend as part of your lesson (Well, that last one is A’s story for another day). However, R’s story, this story, beats all of those.

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The 10 Most Disturbing Fifty Shades Products

We find Fifty Shades of Grey DEEPLY disturbing, to say the least. Partially inspired by this blog, we once spent a solid three or four days talking solely about how much we hate it. Suffice to say, we think that it is some horrible shit. Horrible writing. Horrible themes. But, there are reasons to hate Fifty Shades beyond these obvious factors. Because not only is there a book and a forthcoming movie, but there are CRAFTS.

The phenomenal following that Twilight sparked led to some truly disturbing products.

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I’d do a real caption for this, but come on. All you have to do is have eyes to see the ridiculous. (Via Twitarded)

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Edward wishes you a happy shower! Really, the creepy giant Wizard of Oz like head is trying to convey “Have a great day!” not “I want to eat you like Hannibal Lector.” (Via Etsy)

Starting its life as Twilight fanfiction, Fifty Shades has inevitably brought forth a bevy of similar products, which are only going to get worse as the movie gets closer to premiering. So, without further ado, the 10 worst Fifty Shades products to be found on the internet (in no particular order) courtesy of R’s willingness to Google really weird shit.

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