OK Cupid Is Deeply Interested in Nuclear War

Recently, A decided to try out online dating, and R naturally assisted her. The first site she joined (because it’s free, and A is not invested enough to pay for this shit) was OK Cupid.

Part of the shtick at OKC is that you answer questions about yourself, OKC compares your answers to other peoples’, and anyone you look at will then be shown as an X% match, X% friend, and X% enemy based on this.

A lot of the questions are pretty nondescript; for example, “What is your political leaning?” Others are understandable or necessary; “Would you be willing to sleep with someone on the first date?” Others, however, fit none of these categories. Instead, they are just pretty stupid, or, alternatively, fairly anger-inducing. But, we have to make something out of the stupid, so, we blog about them.

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Now, without further ado, onto the stupid!

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How to Fail at Halloween Costumes

It’s October, and we all know that means Halloween, which is one of the greatest holidays of all. You can show off your creativity and be rewarded with candy! It’s also not sappy and sentimental like those other holidays. Halloween exists to scare you.

This is the spirit of Halloween

This is the spirit of Halloween

But sometimes it scares you for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes Halloween is scary because of the people who fail at it. Below is a compilation Halloween costumes that are actually for sale and make us afraid in the “lose faith in humanity” kind of way.

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J. Bryan Lowder has the Same Philosophy as Hannibal Lecter

As vegetarians who try very hard to be vegan most of the time, we feel a certain responsibility to be calm, rational representatives for those who eschew meat. Mostly this involves common-sense things like not glaring at people when they eat meat in front of us and not being demanding when over to other people’s house for meals.

But, we do expect some respect in return. Which is why this article from J. Bryan Lowder at Slate, entitled “Chicken Stock Doesn’t Count as Meat,” is so infuriating.

The author begins with a story:

My hand, grasping a ladle full of steaming amber liquid, froze in mid-air. […] oh God, the stock. He was talking about the stock. Vegetarians were at that moment speeding up the express subway track toward our home, and, despite my efforts to craft a menu that would appease them, I had just failed by using chicken stock in the mushroom risotto … or had I?

I flashed my chilliest Stepford smile at him as I gently stirred the liquid into the hissing pot. “You won’t say a word, will you, sweetie?”

The 10 Most Disturbing Fifty Shades Products

We find Fifty Shades of Grey DEEPLY disturbing, to say the least. Partially inspired by this blog, we once spent a solid three or four days talking solely about how much we hate it. Suffice to say, we think that it is some horrible shit. Horrible writing. Horrible themes. But, there are reasons to hate Fifty Shades beyond these obvious factors. Because not only is there a book and a forthcoming movie, but there are CRAFTS.

The phenomenal following that Twilight sparked led to some truly disturbing products.

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I’d do a real caption for this, but come on. All you have to do is have eyes to see the ridiculous. (Via Twitarded)

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Edward wishes you a happy shower! Really, the creepy giant Wizard of Oz like head is trying to convey “Have a great day!” not “I want to eat you like Hannibal Lector.” (Via Etsy)

Starting its life as Twilight fanfiction, Fifty Shades has inevitably brought forth a bevy of similar products, which are only going to get worse as the movie gets closer to premiering. So, without further ado, the 10 worst Fifty Shades products to be found on the internet (in no particular order) courtesy of R’s willingness to Google really weird shit.

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