We open this episode right where the previous one left off: all of the witches are having some serious issues. Ingrid found out she is a witchy woman, Freya is trapped in a painting, Joanna is in custody for a murder the shifter who looks like her committed, and Wendy is dead. We feel Wendy got the short end of this deal.
But never fear! Ingrid pretty easily locates her mother’s secret stash of magic stuff, and the magic chest opens when Ingrid says “open.” She appears to be as surprised by this ease of entry as we are. However, it is all good because in the chest is the family grimoire, in which there is a resurrection spell that Ingrid promptly uses to resurrect her aunt Wendy. We’re pretty happy with this development given that we are also Wendy fans.
Wendy is alive again! But she promptly lectures Ingrid on the fact that every spell has consequences, and the consequence of this one is that someone Ingrid loves is going to die in exchange for Wendy’s resurrection. Wendy is less than thrilled about her returned life given that evidently she would have come back in “a few hours anyway.” Despite this, we think Ingrid was pretty damn resourceful with this whole thing. She pretty calmly accepted that she was a witch (gaining this knowledge only when her mother was arrested), found the magical chest, found a resurrection spell, and promptly used it to resurrect the only person who could possibly help her out with the whole sister in painting and mom in jail thing. So, Team Ingrid score one.
While Ingrid is being reasonable and collected, Freya and Joanna are facing their own problems. Since we like Joanna better than Freya we’ll deal with her first. After being arrested Joanna is apparently being interrogated by the kindest detective ever. He asks her some questions and shows her a symbol, but he is perfectly willing to fetch her coffee and a cigarette when she requests them. Joanna then promptly uses these to do some magic on the sly, discovering that Freya is still alive. We don’t know. While it’s nice to know your daughter is alive and all, maybe you’d want to spare some of that magic for yourself? Or after so many centuries are you just an old hand at being arrested by now?
Meanwhile, Freya is pulling a Freya while in the painting. Meaning, she frantically runs around to the clearly unresponsive people in the painting looking scared, whimpering, and asking for help while Doug, her crazy attacker, pursues her. Less than shockingly, he manages to corner her and declaim to her some more, talking about how shitty she was to him in a past life. Her supposed shittiness is based on the fact that she wasn’t down with his abuse of her.
We are not shocked when Freya is pretty easily tied to a bar that her attacker subsequently lights on fire. Because those witches, they gotta burn baby burn.
On that cliffhanger, we are back to the non-painting world of Joanna, Wendy, and Ingrid. Wendy and Ingrid take off for the bar to save Freya from the painting and the crazy man, and while they attempt this rescue Joanna manages to obtain conditions of release. This is evidently due to the intervention of her centuries old lawyer’s very skillful arguments, because who seriously lets someone who is highly suspected of performing a ritualistic murder out of jail, even with a million dollar bail? So now Team Awesome have a to-do list: Rescue Freya, Find money for bail.
The first item on their list proves pretty unnecessary when Freya manages to get herself out of the painting by witching the rope holding her down away, knocking out Doug, and knifing her way out of the painting. This is Freya’s one shining moment of glory this episode. She is then promptly revived and rescued by her fiance Dash, because the audience needs to be reminded that there is a Love Triangle, which is more important than Freya saving herself.
Luckily, we don’t hang out in the Land of Love Triangles long. Team Awesome collects Freya and they are off to a fake grave to dig up some hidden money to post bail for Joanna. Wendy is a cat for parts of this, which is notable only for the complete nonchalance with which she deals with her random transformations.
Anyway, Team Awesome + Freya arrive at the fake grave and dig up the cash. Except Freya will only stand around and whine about how she just wants them to witch themselves into wealth, not dig for it. She’s happy to participate in the next scene of joyful money-throwing though.
And the money reunites the Witches Four; Joanna is out! We don’t actually mind Joanna, she is just not on the same level as Team Awesome yet. Reunited, Joanna apologizes to her daughters for the whole not telling them they were magic thing, and Freya doesn’t take it well. She runs away, to, of course, Dash’s brother Killian. Apparently, they lie next to each other on his boat staring silently up at the stars until she leaves. It seems to be a completely boring interaction aside from really pushing the One Love Triangle to Rule Them All angle.
But wait! Freya leaves tall, dark,and mute just as Team Awesome + Joanna realize that the crazy attacker has probably in fact escaped from the painting and is still pursuing Freya. The why of this is complicated, so just accept it. Mostly, it creates tension as Freya leaves tall, dark, and mute as the audience learn that Crazy Doug is still out there.
Freya arrives home to a dark and empty house, sees some water dripping, finds an overflowing bathtub and OF COURSE goes over to investigate. Because that makes ALL KINDS of sense. At this point, we are unsure if Freya has two brain cells to rub together. We are not shocked when Crazy Doug materializes with his bug eyes in order to drown her in some witchy manner. Since fire failed he has apparently switched to a new element.
She doesn’t die. We are disappointed. Joanna puts some serious beat down on Crazy Doug, and then Wendy witches him back into a conveniently placed painting while Ingrid rescues her sister. They bury the painting and come home to find Dash on the steps. He tries to get Freya to tell him what is going on, but she doesn’t. This silence is seriously not going to last; how many episodes do we think it will take for her to bust out with the “I’m a witch?”
And then the episode ends with the shifter in Joanna clothing drawing some symbol in blood on a tree in front of the witches’ house. The tree then dies in approximately ten seconds. Which leads to the question of why no one noticed. Then again, no one noticed the flower from last week either.
So, in conclusion, this is not great TV, but it’s enjoyable popcorn television if you like the genre to begin with. Just don’t expect in-depth characterization. We are in this for Team Awesome. Joanna could join Team Awesome at some point, but Freya is permanently excluded. She needs to do something other than whine and work hard at furthering the whole love triangle angle.